Ms. Violet's Musings

Moving.

2006-02-16T15:47:00.000Z

I have decided to follow others in moving my blog over to Wordpress instead of Blogger, due to several reasons (downtime, spam, general boredom). All posts and comments have been imported to Wordpress and organised into rather nifty categories. So, if you've linked to me, then please change your links to http://msviolet.wordpress.com/ instead!

Time For A Change

2006-02-13T13:50:00.000Z

I have decided that, in an attempt to make me blog more, I will open this place up to be about all sorts of issues and not just primarily feminist ones. This does not mean that this isn't a feminist blog anymore, I just want to feel I can include posts on a variety of topics. One day I will also change the layout here. I am fed up of this bloody pink.

A poem.

2006-02-07T20:15:00.000Z

Housewife - Anne Sexton Some women marry houses. It's another kind of skin; it has a heart, a mouth, a liver and bowel movements. The walls are permanent and pink. See how she sits on her knees all day, faithfully washing herself down. Men enter by force, drawn back like Jonah into their fleshy mothers. A woman is her mother. That's the main thing.

Attack.

2006-01-30T11:46:00.000Z

The topic of rape has cropped up in many blogs of late, with most attacking the idea that "some women just ask for it". I just found this, from a male perspective, and felt it was right on the money.

But most importantly, I am not my cock. Period. I am not my balls. I am not my hormones, my sex drive, or my lust. I am not my cock. I am a man, capable of making decisions, capable of self control, capable of thought, of reason, of love and hate and lust and boredom and choice. My cock obeys my commands, and not the other way around. Guys, you are not your cock either. You have total control and you are not a slave. Don't fall into the trap of believing otherwise.

And, while I'm blog-dropping, Vociferate has a post urging people to not give in to the 'trolls' currently attacking feminist blogs. I've not really suffered from troll-attacks yet (probably because I'm lazy and don't post very often...) but I know that the blogs I love reading are repeatedly bombarded with childish "you're just saying that 'cos you need a good dicking!" comments. Constructive criticism, healthy debate, deconstruction... this is what feminism is based on and is essential for keeping the movement alive. But such irrelevant and empty attacks and insults should have been confined to the previous century. Feminism is not about US versus THEM - and that sort of mentality is harmful to everyone concerned. Attacking feminism and feminists is beyond my comprehension. It just does not seem to MAKE SENSE AT ALL. It merely comes down to, as Andrea puts it, this:

These men troll because they imagine by sending us offensive emails, misspelled comments and linking to our pages encouraging other men to abuse us too they are bringing us down, putting us in our place. These men imagine that by doing this the dominance of their phallus is restored, they abuse and threaten because it gives them a sexual kick to believe they're dominating uppity women.

Rude Bits

2005-12-09T19:24:00.000Z

I love this site. I love how utterly frank the writer is in regarding the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations and the milestones that her and her vagina have encountered. For the majority, women still seem to distance themselves from discussing anything related to their down-there/private-parts/lady-bits/etc (the site's author rather amusingly refers to her own as her "unit"). Adverts tell us that the most important thing about a tampon is that it is discreet and that if - heaven forbid! - it should fall out of your bag, then nobody should realise that it is in fact a tampon. (The question remains: why would you be more embarrassed if twenty sanitary towels fell out of your bag, than if a load of toilet paper fell out instead?). We don't mention periods in public. We are frightened of the social implications of having pubic hair. The list goes on. But why? Why are we filled with shame and disgust regarding our own bodies? Women, girls - let's take back our vaginas! Reclaim what rightly lives between your legs! For too long they have been percieved to be solely for male gratification - but WHY?! Okay, so I don't go in for the whole "ladybits are like a beautiful flower" sort of thing, but I would just like to be able to say "Okay, I have genitalia! Sometimes it has hair, sometimes it does not! Sometimes it is for male sexual gratification, sometimes it is not! Sometimes it is for my own gratification, sometimes it is not! Sometimes it bleeds! Sometimes not! Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it! But it is mine and I refuse to feel shameful towards it any longer!"

Silly Old Bints

2005-11-25T15:23:00.000Z

There's a great piece over on the Beeb regarding the representation of older women in modern society, which also happens to have been penned by none other than my A-Level Eng Lit teacher from last year. She raises a good point, as - in the media especially - there is widespread discrimination against older women (men also, though perhaps not as much). From just one sitting of television commercials (if I can manage that, as adverts make me famously nauseous) we are showered with images of young women freaking out at the sight of a wrinkle, as though they've heard a whisper that it's the first sign of the apocalypse. Then, said women informing us of "so-and-so" lotion to "banish those unsightly signs of aging!". My goodness! Because the very THOUGHT that we may be aging is horrific! In fact, I think I must GAIN a wrinkle everytime I see one of these frustratingly pathetic adverts.

The only time we ever see older women advertising products is when it is especially for them - for example stairlifts, over 60s life insurance, baths for the elderly, toffee, etc. But that is still a rarity, as how many times do you see pensioners on the covers of magazines aimed at that exact target group? In awful newspaper supplements which have adverts for thermal undies, elderly women's nightgowns, etc - how many are actually modelled by women who look over 45? Not many.

If it wasn't for the fact that I know that over 65s in the UK make up a whopping 16% of the population, then - judging by what the media tells us - I'd think we'd all gone a bit Logan's Run.

One Of Those Days

2005-11-21T20:13:00.000Z

Every now and then I find myself in one of those days where it seems there is no hope left. On Saturday I went into one of my beloved Oxfam bookshops in Shrewsbury and found a book entitled What's Right With Feminism by Elaine Storkey. I'm broke, but it was only a pound so I thought I'd "treat myself". I then looked inside at the book's title on the first page to see that someone had scrawled "NOT MUCH." underneath "What's Right With Feminism". It was in the same handwriting and pencil as the price above, so I can only assume it was doings of one of the staff (predominately middle-aged women). I fumed! Not only had I been insulted regarding my choice of book and beliefs, but I had been insulted by someone trying to sell me the bloody item! So it wasn’t just rude, but incredibly unprofessional and not at all business-like. I felt like pointing out that if it hadn't have been for feminism then these women would not even have jobs! Fool that I am, I didn't complain. Mainly because the queue for paying was taking forever and my patience was waning. Following that, I then went into a BHS branch to be aggravated further. In the gift section I found a "joke" device (some sort of mirror to attach to a man's shoe) for use in order to look up the skirts of passing women. Yes, because sexual harassment is incredibly comical! If I ever want a good laugh then the first thing I always think of is how funny those guys are who leer at women, harass them in the street, make lewd suggestions and rape them! Nothing funnier! My boyfriend pointed out that they may as well be selling sets advertised as "The Handy Travel Rape Kit". I just can't understand how it would be an entertaining and witty gift and - moreover - I can't comprehend how BHS would even consider selling such an item. But then, after WHSmith and the Playboy kid’s stationary, perhaps nothing should surprise me. We then went back to my boyfriend's house to find the girlfriend of one of his housemates ironing two huge piles of his t-shirts. I could understand if the girl was doing him a favour due to him being ill or busy, but he was just dicking about upstairs with friends. All she did was slave away and sigh. Sometimes you just feel as though you are the only one who actually sees the injustices in life.

Anti-Feminism

2005-11-03T19:55:00.000Z

There is a fantastic post over at Mind the Gap, regarding Countering Anti-Feminism.

Not all feminists reject femininity, but most reject the notion that it should be a prison and many of us have complex and self-reflexive relationships with our own femininity or lack of it.

I must say, the most annoying anti-feminist remark I receive is usually along the lines of "well, if you're a feminist, then I'm a manist". Sometimes I feel as though if feminism was actually referred to as 'genderism' people would be less likely to disregard it. Of course, shying away from "scary words" is not going to change anything and a-name-is-a-name-is-a-name and all... but sometimes such unenlightened remarks can be so disheartening. .... I don't know why, but I am still struggling to think of interesting things to blog about here. I have bought many, many books lately though (much love, Oxfam bookshops), so hopefully they should light my fire and give me plenty of feminist-related topics to comment on!

I'm Still Alive

2005-10-26T17:29:00.000Z

I have been awful and blogging lately and I really have no excuse for it. I do plan on getting back into the swing of things soon enough though, so don't give up on me!

Get Involved!

2005-09-19T19:15:00.000Z

Following my last post about the lack of decent magazines available in the UK, I recieved a very welcome comment from travelling punk. She is looking for help in any form possible to develop a "non patronising magazine designed to interest and entertain rather than dictate and frustrate". Any help would be greatly appreciated - and I know there are plenty of intelligent, interesting, witty and downright fantabulous people out there who are bursting to get creative and get opinionated!

Pathetic Magazines & stockings and roses

2005-09-13T19:17:00.000Z

You know what pisses me off? The total lack of intelligent magazines for women available in the UK. All of the monthlies/bi-monthlies/weeklies/crapplies look the same. Shit. Total and utter shit. And, god knows, if any one of these magazines were to even print the word 'feminist' - even in teeny tiny lettering - they would probably spontaneously combust into a massive fiery hell. Or that must be what the editors think, at least. In the US you can buy Bitch, Bust or Ms magazines, yet NOTHING in the UK. Christ, even America is doing better than us here. I'm getting fed up. I want to read a magazine. I want to be able to flick through a few glossy pages every now and then and read funny, interesting, insightful articles about issues that matter to me. And, quite frankly, if I have to walk past the magazine aisle one more time, grinding my teeth whilst biting my lip and trying hard to disguise the steam coming out of my ears, then I just may explode. I found this and it amused me, but then I realised that much of the satirical articles could too easily be mistaken for "real" pieces in the trash that is out there.

Happy Divorcees & shoes and chats

2005-07-04T20:47:00.000Z

Well, what an absolutely non-surprising article. Perhaps the reason that women feel "relieved, liberated and happy" after a divorce is because they actually are liberated and free. Marriage remains a patriarchal institution wherein, more often than not, women become frustrated and depressed. I have no doubt that there possibly are some out there, but I have never known a marriage of equals. It is an outdated tradition that kills the love and respect within relationships, by forcing people into restrictive gender roles. So, yes - I can imagine that most women would feel liberated after a divorce.

Sexism Against Men & skirts and posies

2005-06-20T19:06:00.000Z

Okay, I am supposed to be revising, but this caught my attention. Yes, we live in a dangerous world and precautions have to be made, but to point at a man who works with children and automatically say "paedophile!" is grossly sexist and ridiculous. The numbers of men working with children seemed to have dropped dramatically not because they do not want to work with children, but rather because they are too frightened to. All this produces is a generation of fear bewtween children and adult men. For example, when I started Primary School aged four, there were three male teachers out of a possible eight. By the time I left at age eleven, there were none. Add the fact that I didn't have a dad at home, and I found that I was anxious and scared when left in the company of grown-up men. Philip Bennison is perfectly right in stating "I felt I was being victimised for being a man". There is no difference between this sort of prejudice and when a woman is refused a job in a traditionally male-orintated career simply due to her gender.

Single Mums & shopping and giggles

2005-06-11T15:13:00.000Z

This reminded me of my own useless father. When I was about seven, I seem to recall a certain degree of glamour connected to those kids whose parents were divorced. I mean, two bedrooms? Extra fun step-mums and step-dads? Weekends away? How lucky! Then it went and happened to me and, obviously, it wasn't the 'cool' experience that I thought it would be. Dad drifted from place to place, the £30 a week maintence money that my mom was supposed to recieve each week for three children soon stopped (£10 a child. Surely there is something very wrong with that?), as did the weekends away. Plus, it wasn't even as though the exclusive Lost Children Of Divorcees Club was that exclusive anymore. Suddenly, it seemed as though everyone in Year Five had mommies and daddies who didn't live together. So it became the norm. I'm not going to lie and say "Single parent families are like non-stop parties!" - we all know it's hard. Although, at the time I was rather oblivious to just how difficult my mother found it at times. But, as corny as it sounds, it was almost like a team effort - all of us working together to make life easier and more fun. Now I look at families where the parents are still married and living together after about twenty years and - god - do they hate each other. Obviously, I am sure that some people stayed together and lived happily ever after - but, from looking around me, all I see is resentment amongst long-term husbands and wives. And I know children (and many adult children) secretly wishing that their parents had just divorced years ago, without using the ugly justification of "we're staying together for the kids". What a cruel thing to say. This is not the 1950s. Children are no longer valid scapegoats for staying in horrible relationships. And what does this teach these kids? That marriage is a binding contract and that no matter how unhappy you are you are obliged to stay put, whether you like it or not? All around me I see young girls and women follwing the poor examples of their mothers by marrying into relationships which they are not even slightly comfortable in or sure about. My own mother is incredibly independent, outspoken and intelligent - therefore I have grown to be a similar person. Divorce is not a nice thing, but surely the alternative - staying in a damaging relationship - is more dangerous to all parties concerned?

Evangelical Madmen & diets and needlework

2005-06-17T11:17:00.000Z

I'm glad that the likes of Pat Robertson and the rest of his religious right-wing buddies make me laugh. His comments are so ludicrous that even I cannot bring myself to boil up with rage. re. feminism:

"a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

re. family planning:

"It is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism-everything that the Bible condemns."

re... what the hell? I don't have a clue anymore:

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists, oppressive dictators, greedy money changers, revolutionary assassins, adulterers, and homosexuals are on top."

It's so bad that it almost renders me speechless. Almost. The disturbing facts are that a) he has his own (no doubt enlightening) television series and b) that he has actually made a bid for US presidency. Meaning that some people are actually listening. Oh, and one more little gem to see you off, straight from the lips of that charming evangelical madman Jerry Falwell: re. who caused the September 11th terrorist attacks:

"pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the ACLU and the People for the American Way."

That's right. It was YOU, wasn't it?

Fat Britain & sugar and light

2005-06-13T17:04:00.000Z

If you were to scan across the magazine racks in newsagents or watch just a few minutes worth of adverts, this would probably come as a surprise. The fact is that there are more overweight and obese men in th UK than women. Yet, still, Weightwatchers blatantly targets women and - lo and behold - in those commercials for various low fat foods, I am yet to see one of those people squeezing into their favourite jeans to be male. The pressure is constantly put on the women, whereas it is men who have the ever-expanding waistlines.

Only a third of overweight men would be motivated to lose weight even if being overweight affected their sex life

Yet, how many women force themselves into eating disorders as they feel 'fat' and 'unattractive' to their partners?

Feminist Shame & lipstick and high-heels

2005-05-24T13:56:00.000Z

I've always secretly held the belief that however intelligent, open-minded and liberal a man may be, his ideal woman would not be one who refers to herself as a feminist:

Matt says: and what exactly do you want me to do? Matt says: being a guy in an office for a search marketing company... Ms. Violet says: I don't mean you have to ACTIVELY do anything. It's just that the more people have a decent attitude to it and display it in public, the better. The only way that attitudes change is by first changing the little things. It's like those damn women that say "I'm not a feminist, but....". It's like it is SHAMEFUL to actually want some degree of equality and fair representation! Ms. Violet says: I would love for you to be proud of the fact that your girlfriend is an intelligent feminist, but in this society it is just not going to work like that Ms. Violet says: as you will just always be ashamed of that part of me. Not privately, but in public. Ms. Violet says: It's not your fault, Ms. Violet says: just how society is Ms. Violet says: and THAT is what I want to change

In private, perhaps he will gush over his girlfriend's ability to form her own outspoken opinions and be proud of her, but the fear of ridicule from fellow men will still dominate when it comes to announcing his partner as a feminist. This is not generally his fault and I do sympathise. Peer pressure is a nasty thing and certainly is a prevailing force within groups of young men. Much like women, men are a very bizarre breed when they congregate. It's almost as though the hormones bounce off one another, forming a Scary Giant Mutant Of Gender set to be frighteningly hyperbolic and (stereo)typically male/female. This is not necessarily a very bad thing, as the differences between men and women should be explored and not repressed. A boys or girls night out is just harmless fun, a vent, etc - but it is when these gangs of total and pure hormone start to gain power and influence that I begin to worry. So, the painful truth is that however understanding and supportive a man is of his partner's feminist stance, he will be relcutant to admit this when out drinking with the 'guys'. But, there is always hope. If just one man in a group were stand up and proclaim his love and admiration for feminists then maybe - just MAYBE - at least one other man would admit to agreeing. Equality needs both sides to develop and work : the fight against sexual discimation is a fight for everybody and NOT solely women. ... I've generalised about men again. Apologises, but generalisations need to be made at times.

Lad Mags & daisies and perfume

2005-05-16T21:04:00.000Z

This makes me very happy at the moment. Now, on the topic of censorship, I have a rather hazy stance. I like it somewhere in the middle - somewhere safe, whilst still retaining freedom of speech. It's a prickly issue, as no one wants to live in a 'nanny-state', but at the same time the whole point of having authority figures is to protect the general public. So, I am not going to say "BAN NUTS MAGAZINE! BAN ZOO!" as, at the end of the day, we should all have the relative freedom to read want we want to. (Although, at the same time I believe we would raise a far more responsible and respectful generation of young men, were these magazines no longer available). But, I can still voice my disapproval over these so-called mens' magazines (really, they are boys. I have to live in hope that real men are not so... sad) and especially when they are forced down my throat. On a recent trip to ASDA (possibly on the way to stealing Kwik Save's crown of 'Most Scummiest Supermarket In The UK'. Seriously, not even Sharon Osbourne in the adverts can save them now), I was fairly shocked to see one of the lad's mags weeklies - I forget which one, thanks to their generic style - featuring a large picture of two naked young women cupping one anothers' breasts, displayed rather proudly within the newspaper stand at the very entrance of the store. Now, I'm no prude at all - but I can't help but wonder what message this sends out to people. That lesbians are merely for the sole purpose of male fantasy? That women in general are just simple objects of male sexual gratification? Or that ASDA don't give two shits who sees this - and let's be honest now - softcore porn? And, of course, the age old double-standard factor comes into play. After all, how much outrage would there be if a gay magazinea such as Attitude, were to be placed in the same position with two topless men embracing? Yes. Exactly. So, it is refreshing to read that an extremely large chain, such as Tesco, is taking notice of this. There is freedom of speech and then there is responsiblity. After all, supermarkets are family places for buying your bloody bread and cheese, not your porn. And, may I add, a pretty poor man's porn for that matter.